I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
