Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
