So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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