I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize