i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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