the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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