we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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