my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
