Best friends brother. Beat that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
