so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
