today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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