We're facebook friends in real life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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