peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
