I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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