The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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