I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
