Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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