she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this will be a night to untag.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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