I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
