I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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