just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
