the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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