Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
