Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
