can u get pink eye on your cock?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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