I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
