I'd wear matching sweaters with you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
