the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
