M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
