i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
