there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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