I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
