Non-Jews are for practice
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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