Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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