I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
