I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
