My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
