He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
