Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
