I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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