Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
