the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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