i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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