We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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