So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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