This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
