apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
