im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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