he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
