You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
