just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
