I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
