You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh god it's open bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
