dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
