its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
