Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
