She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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