The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize